Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Nail Biting.

You know, I did not think that by any stretch of the imagination (especially with just a so-so cycle and everyone telling me, "Well, it only takes one!") that I'd get pregnant with Matthew.  Our first try.  No way.  Not after nearly 11 years.  So I didn't find any reason, whatsoever, to bother with a home pregnancy test.  Why waste the money?

Well, I sure as heck spent the money after I got that blood test!  I had waited too long NOT to see "PREGNANT" on that stick. (I know a few of you even remember that was my header for a long, long time!)

After Matthew died, and we did the frozen transfer, I DID take a test.  The morning of my beta.  I just didn't look at it. (Seriously.  I covered the window part before I did it and didn't look at it again.)  I just knew that if I already knew it was negative, I'd have NO motivation to drive to Annapolis and take the beta.  I had to wait until nearly 4:00 with Matthew's results and I did NOT want to do that again, so I had the test ready for me as soon as I got home.

Of course, I didn't need it.  Jackie called me before I even got halfway through the ride home with the bad news.

I didn't test with Luke, either.  I DID take a test to see if the HCG was out of my system, and it was.  I was *thisclose* to taking one.  Seriously...I had one and was planning on taking it about two mornings before my beta.  That night, I could NOT get the song lyrics, "Strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord...we will wait upon the Lord, we will wait upon the Lord," out of my head.  Literally.  All night, just rattled through.

Now, I have no idea of what that was supposed to mean.  What waiting on the Lord I was supposed to be doing (as opposed to waiting for a beta blood test), but I figured the key parts were the instructions to "WAIT!" and I did.

And obviously, was not disappointed.

I have taken two tests to ensure that the HCG was out of my system this time.  It is.  I figured it would be since it was only a half trigger for the OHSS risks, and so I KNOW that if I took one now, and it was positive, I could trust it.

Yes, biting my nails.

But John wants me to wait, so I will.  Not sure why, other than he doesn't want it to be negative and me by myself?  Whatever it is...I'm waiting.

Excruciating.  Mainly because as I've said before, the progesterone and estrogen of course make my body FEEL pregnant.  Not to mention, the OHSS symptomology is getting worse.  I'm really trying to take it as easy as one can with a busy little boy, but definitely feeling some of those old feelings that remind me of when I was hospitalized with OHSS several years ago.  Not to that extreme, yet...still mild, but uncomfortable.  More increasingly so.  Which of course sets my mind spinning. "Is it getting worse because I'm pregnant?" (Because that's what typically happens, ironically.  Pregnancy, the desired result, makes it worse!)

Don't know, but increasing the efforts to 'take it easy.'  Like I said, as much as I can with Lukey-Luke on the go!

And man...is he on the go!  But so, so, so much fun.  He is such a little character!  Such personality.

I don't know where he gets it.

7 comments:

  1. Been following closely and Biting my nails along with you! The waiting is tough!! Hoping for a great outcome!

    Btw, called dr this morn after seeing your comment... No signs of vasa previa. Phew! ;)

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  2. You are strong to not test. I don't know if you remember, but I couldn't wait any longer and tested 3 days before my beta. Tom begged and begged and begged me to not test, but I've got a little stubborn streak. Well...the rest is history. ;) Praying your OHSS doesn't get worse...or wait, should I pray for it to get worse? I've confused myself. Praying for a BFP! Hugs!!!

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  3. Lori, you can wait... I know you can. I knew I was pregnant 4 days before it registered on a home pregnancy test. In fact, the blood test showed a slight positive before the at home would. I knew that if I tested and it was negative I'd get down, so just wait. Wait till you can get a strong positive and not a false negative!!!! My heart was dancing when I did... I seriously should buy stock in pregnancy tests because I went through so many before we finally got our positive. Wait and find your inner strength to just enjoy these moments with Luke and John before you're a family of four!

    Lots and lots of prayers and good thoughts coming your way!!!

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  4. Ugh....a million hugs and positive [pun intended!] ++++++ thoughts coming your way sweetie...miss you...feel like a terrible friend I dont even have the address you moved to...email it to me if you can....love nan

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  5. You have SO much patience! There was no way I could hold out... I tested the Sat. before my 1st beta lol!

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  6. Lori I've have been behind on my reading, but just caught up. So excited for this road you are on. Hoping Luke with join Mathew in beinbg a big brother.

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Thank you for your thoughts!